Common user phrases

And what they really mean...

It was like that when I found it Oh dear I've really buggered it this time
My son/brother etc knows about computers I am going to prove that you are crap at your job
My son/brother etc knows about computers I'm an IT expert
Will the world really end at the Year 2000 I am stark raving mad and should be locked up
Boss: "What benefit will we get from new kit?" I don't have a clue but wish to see you squirm
I need a laptop I feel self-important and a laptop will improve my image
My PC is too slow I have every possible program open just to prove the point
When can I get Windows and Office 2000 I am into S&M
I've been looking everywhere for you I like a wander around the building
How long will it take? I don't give a damn
I've got work to do Oh damn, I might have to do some work
The printer isn't working I can't be bothered getting paper, so I'll get you to do it
I was just wondering... I'm bored so I thought I would annoy you
You must be clever to work in IT I am stupid
Is the network OK? I've messed up and I'm trying to blame you
How can I get a job in IT? Your life looks easy and I want you to give me a job
Could you do me a favour? I am trying to offload a crap task to you
I've been asked to... I don't know how to do my job can you help?
I have a PC in my house I want free software
I have a PC in my house I'm a computer expert
I have a PC in my house I want free technical help
See my computer... I am going to ask a REALLY dumb question